As a sane person, you have control over your behavior. I don’t love him but I don’t know who pushed me to say yes to him when he courted me. What if you start feeling that something is wrong? I don't want to hurt her. Wife Love Relationships Marriage Separation broken home indian man indian family. I'm now 24 soon to be 25 and she's back. Read this OneHowTo.com article to find out what if I don't love my wife anymore. Why? Think about that. And so do you, we deserve it and owe it to ourselves. You’ve planned a romantic evening, complete with her favorite restaurant. Do not be with somebody because of their potential. How do I get the love back?” I sincerely feel sorry for him. If you’re trying to learn how to convince your wife not to leave the marriage, you’re probably a lot like that telemarketer. Gather all relevant legal paperwork, such as your marriage certificate and all deeds and titles, and make copies that you store in a secure location outside the home. We have 3 children ages 10, 7 and 2 with another one due in May that was unplanned. I say that's a lie. I've been married for 13 years and really really love my wife but she recently told me she has realised she has been very unhappy in our relationship, and although she cares for me a lot she no longer has any romantic feelings for me and can't imagine ever having romantic feelings for me again. I don’t know if this is relevant, but I love my family. They would have to WANT to change. I want to be your queen while you be my … We love each other so deeply, but at the same time, I love my wife and my kids and don’t know if I can hurt them by telling them I’m in love with someone else. But I don’t see what good it is to grow up with parents who are grumpy and don’t enjoy each other’s company. I dated the woman of my dreams from age 9-20. He knows how important it is for me to have a tidy home yet he leaves … If you had started with ‘I don’t like my wife very much, and I want to leave her,’ our conversation would have gone in a different direction. I didn't think of him that way. You should talk to your wife, at least let her in on how you’re feeling about your marriage. We don't expect them to agree with everything we say, but we'll say it anyway. Couples who go for counselling sometimes see results but the return to bliss is rare and short-lived. Including the behavior of love. Anyone who says that they're unable to love their spouse is a liar. I feel like I'm just here for the kids. Usually, the heart of a maritally disengaged spouse is summed up in a single statement: "I don't love my wife/husband anymore.". Actually, I hope I love my wife with all my major brain parts but who knows? I no longer feel the need to run away and leave my marriage, because I am happy now with my life. But the partners are not on the same page at the same time. And I'm scared I won't ever. The sad thing about relationships is this: Sometimes there is the love, there is the commitment, there is the shared expectations and ideas and plans. I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do. The truth is, I don't know how I love her. But you cannot live your live for someone else. It's tragic Sure, you could always try counselling. I don’t even have a clue how to get back into the dating game. I don't like my wife. Buy your wife a gift, be more affectionate, and remind her of the person she married. And I do my best to support him each day as he pursues his dreams. But I don't love my wife anymore. We don't talk anymore proper just about day to day things When life gets you down and you've got s*** to do, pull your chin up. I was so happy when I got married but as time has gone on, I just have felt less and less happy. Some will argue that they can't choose to "hold something dear" or to "desire something actively," if their emotions aren't similarly aligned. This includes finding a place to stay after you leave your home, as well as opening a personal bank account if you don’t already have one. I Don't Like My Wife Anymore: I Can't Stand My Wife Anymore. We met at work when I was 20. Reply ↓ Darlene Lancer, LMFT on March 4, 2017 at 7:42 pm said: You have a lot of options. I do what I love and pursue my dreams daily with the support of my husband. Likewise, you can choose to value your spouse — even if you're so heartless as to not see his or her intrinsic value. It won't treat you well, keep you company, nor respect your character. We don't expect them to agree with everything we say, but we'll say it anyway. That BOTH of you need to make compromises. I need more. That's a comment I hear quite often in my couples mediation practice. In fact, it’s the validation that may make you run elsewhere. I don't love my husband and haven't for a while. 24. After months and years of a "loveless marriage," many seek the illusion of finality in divorce. Everest, or maybe just lose a few pounds. He got very angry and hasn’t talked to me much in a couple days. What do you do about it? And don’t the children suffer from not knowing what a love-based relationship is? And given that she's one of my employees, I can't really ask anyone I know for advice. He doesn’t want to socialize with my parents. i love him as my baby daddy but nolonger want to be with him. “I will do my … Because then I feel like I'm putting myself above her and I don't think that's right. That can leave her little room for some soul-replenishing me-time, let alone you-and-she time ... living under the same roof to start living separate lives: "They sleep in different beds, have different schedules, don't discuss their inner lives, have different friends, and simply no longer look to each other for much of anything anymore." And she brings up things like how she says she's willing to move so I can go to grad school. I am ashamed to admit it, but I can't make myself love him. Merriam-Webster defines the verb of "Love" to include: What you vowed, as in any contract or covenant, were your behaviors. “You mean so much to me than I can measure, so I will never leave you for anything.” 39. Reassess your love languages and see if you have been meeting each other’s needs the right way, through the right love language. They feel guilt, anger, and disappointment. Listen to her side as well. It’s just that I have difficulty being my true self with my wife. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. Committing your life to another person, until death do you part, is not always the happily ever after that you might see in fairy-tales and romance stories.After being married just shy of two years, I am coming to terms with the fact that I don’t love my wife… "I love my husband, but I don't like him." Often, they have tried to rekindle the fire, but they just can't seem to keep it going. The atmosphere in our home is becoming quite toxic. Make compromises. In your question, you ask what can you do, but you don’t describe a problem. Get her the help she needs. If you don't know how to tap into a woman's heart, getting a woman to fall back in love with you is as difficult as turning that rotten grape back into a full-blooded fruit. The thing is, I have tried to talk to her about compromise. I don't know if I love my wife, but I can't leave her. I don't even know where to start. Please help me . That, combined with the lack of intimacy in our relationship, makes me wonder if I would be happier with a divorce. I think you do it for safety. Some of us admit it while others go on their merry way, burying their head in the sand. Many spouses wrestle with the debilitating realization that the flames of passion may have seemingly burned out. We'll see. I hate to hear about marriages falling apart because I am a big believer in sticking to one’s promises. He apparently pursued me for a while, but I was oblivious to it. Your girlfriend’s love is validation, but instead of feeling satisfied (or safe), something inside you says - Kanaiya B I'm not sure what I can say to help you with this. Your girlfriend’s love is validation, but instead of feeling satisfied (or safe), something inside you says Couples who go for counselling sometimes see results but the return to bliss is rare and short-lived. Despite asking for my reassurance, Boyfriend, I don’t think that you reached out to me — or that you reach out to your other affairs — for validation. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. Therefore, you can't vow "until death do us part" that you will consistently have specific feelings. I simply don't love her like she loves me, she is my best friend, but that is it. What can I do? Guys, you know the kind of thing I’m talking about. We have 3 children ages 10, 7 and 2 with another one due in May that was unplanned. More often than not, the root cause isn't infidelity or addictions or crimes. I want to obey God and serve Him, but how can I do that when I am pretending to love my husband. I don't love my wife anymore, she has hurt me in the past and I don't think I will ever get my love back for her. That the balance in the marriage is not evenly distributed. Talk about what is bothering you. He's a love cheat. They've chosen to let their emotions usurp the behavioral obligations of their wedding vows. He is my first boyfriend, I lost my virginity to him, and I’m really in love with him. We have been together 12 years and married 10. If you feel like your wife doesn't love you anymore, here are some ways that you can fix this. We are way beyond having grown apart. The Horrible Feeling of Being Dumped By the Woman You Love. You promised what you would do, including how you would express your emotions. I Don't Love My Husband but I Can't Leave: Why Can't I Leave My Husband. I love my first girlfriend. We have an 8 year old son and 2 year old daughter. If need be, go to your church also, for help, if that is your thing. When my parents get home from vacation I run down the stairs like a little kid on Christmas morning. Get help. Cure cancer, climb Mt. I want to leave my wife who is taking drugs and alcohol and is basically destroying our life as a family but my daughters don’t want to leave I have tried ove rand over to help her, we have huge debt because of her rehab stunts and she still didn’t change. Feelings are hard to hide, that’s why when you start feeling the signs she wants to break up your marriage, one can’t help but be devastated. I'm 32 my husband is 34. February 14, 2020 Updated February 15, 2020. That can leave her little room for some soul-replenishing me-time, let alone you-and-she time. For the right reasons as well. If you can offer a 100% healthy individual who is in charge of their life as her partner, then you get to expect the same from her. I love you so much, but I can’t have you. #1 Your fighting affects the kids. to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for; to caress, to fondle amorously, or to copulate with; to like or desire actively or take pleasure in; and. I think I may be pregnant with my lover's child. He is against my religion and so am I. Obviously it has been a huge shock and I feel completely and utterly devastated. My wife is the bread winner in the family and came into the marriage with some family money. I also worry about the financial aspects. As far as we know, we only live once. 9 signs your wife doesn’t love you anymore. Write down what happened; Give way to communication; Ask her to go; Make important decisions ; Write down what happened Take a pen and paper, and try to write down what went wrong in your relationship. We love each other so deeply, but at the same time, I love my wife and my kids and don’t know if I can hurt them by telling them I’m in love with someone else. I can’t leave her as she has vowed to take my child and she has very little means to care fo herself or our daughter. Scary Mommy and PredragImages/Getty. It sounds like you’ve been holding up your end to keep her happy, but what is she sacrificing for you? For more, get my book, The Marriage Commandments, which may also make you equally uncomfortable. She is. He annoys and frustates me all the time it's even worse now when he works at home, I can't get a break from him. Give her a chance to fix it before you decide it’s over. We haven't even been married a full year either. I love you so much, and you know that, but why I can’t have you is something I don’t understand. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the TrueOffMyChest community, Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. There’s been a space in my bed for some time. “You are my love and I’m so in love with you, I can’t trade you for anything. I can't imagine how hard it is for you having two boys in your marriage. Sometimes, stepping up your game helps. There are endless reasons why relationships end up in a place like this. As of now,I’m the one who is working. Go see a marriage counselor together. Usually, the heart of a maritally disengaged spouse is summed up in a single statement: "I don't love my wife/husband anymore." Sure, you could always try counselling. More importantly, I also promised my lifetime faithfulness toward my husband to the Lord. You don't love your husband anymore and you want to save your marriage. I think I would be happier with someone else, but how do I leave my kids? We have been together 12 years and married 10. That's the whole point of today's experiment. Medically, your wife might have a hormonal imbalance or other medical condition that is contributing to her lack of sex drive. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. You want a wife, not a project. Social Issues. Contents. They give up. After they got divorced, my life improved substantially. Bobby points out that many wives resent their husbands because "they often feel frazzled, frustrated, and resentful about the higher level of mental energy and material energy they are expected to devote to their household, career and families." They're just choosing not to. Grow. But, I hate his behavior. I hate my relationship, but still have feelings for my wife. Talk to her. Your vows were a deliberate and binding statement of things that you would do for one another. I can't trust my husband. Even when I didn’t feel like I wanted to anymore. My parents seemed much happier, we had more fun, and day-to-day life improved dramatically. If I love my wife, why do I find it so easy to treat her like I don’t? P.S. Married 11 years, 4 children. Tell her how you feel. I stepped into my marriage under the presumption that love will last forever, but I was wrong. In fact, it’s the validation that may make you run elsewhere. I don’t love my husband. Regretting getting married is not going to NOT make it so. SHARE. You can't eat it. So that was where I had to begin again when all I felt was, I don’t love him anymore. 37. It's literally just a piece of metal. I was pretty frightened and sad when I was very little, because my parent’s were really ugly to each other. What should I do if my wife doesn't love me anymore? I can't leave my family for her though, so I'm confused. Mostly because it's based on a lie. He’s not even good looking, not rich, not educated. You would actively desire it. If you are a woman in this situation you may feel as though you are facing a future in a loveless relationship. You may have also promised to honor, respect, protect, provide, support, obey, forsake all others, etc. There’s almost nothing worse in the world than the feelings experienced after a break up; when your heart feels like it’s been ripped apart, there’s a tight knot in the pit of your stomach and you keep telling yourself over and over again, “I can’t live without my … You may also be interested in: How To Know If You’re Not In Love Anymore. I think my wife is having a lesbian affair. I've been with my husband for 13 years, married for 4. I feel that I don't love my husband the way that I should and I am close to ending our marriage. I needed to remind myself that I promised my husband to be his wife until death parted us. But it must be communicated. What if the signs your wife wants to leave you can no longer be ignored? Nor do I know what to say to my husband any longer. Share. It is normal to hate each other once in a while, but if it is a perpetual feeling and involves some critical things, then it is time just to say goodbye. “Things may be rough and tough, but I promise to make you happy and not to leave you for once.” 40. I don’t love my husband but I can’t leave him. I can’t stand her, and she can’t stand me. I don’t know what to do. I think you do it for safety. LET'S FACE IT. Left alone, it doesn't have much mechanical value. I just haven't been able to have a productive conversation with her about it. We do our best to hide it from our son, but he picks up on it at times. I care about her as a person but do not love her any longer. I cannot be physically intimate, which frustrates him of course. There are certain steps you can take, though. And just like the telemarketer, as soon as your wife realizes that your goal is to “sell her” the marriage, she’s going to tune out and stop listening. Give her space. When husbands and wives tell me that they no longer love one another, what they're really saying is that they've chosen to no longer act out love toward one another. That would be like vowing beauty, a certain level of health, lifespan, sense of humor, or intelligence — all things you can maybe influence, but you absolutely cannot control. There might be answers that can be found through medical help and/or counseling. Everest, or maybe just lose a few pounds. After being honest and open, we have become closer and grown together. If I were to hand you a gold bar, you would hold it dear. My biggest regret is that I stayed. It's tragic and heartbreaking. Obviously I'm an idiot, but I'm smart enough not to leave my wife and marry (or even start a serious relationship) this woman right off the bat. I remember our wedding day like it was yesterday. To stay married because it is expected because of religion is, imo bullshit. If you don't know how to tap into a woman's heart, getting a woman to fall back in love with you is as difficult as turning that rotten grape back into a full-blooded fruit. It’s her marriage too. She came to look for me, but I am already married to a woman I never loved. He knows how important it is for me to have a tidy home yet he leaves … I hate my wife: The 20 reasons to say I don’t anymore… We all hate our significant other at times. When life gets you down and you've got s*** to do, pull your chin up. I've talked to many couples facing seemingly doomed marriages. More often than not, the root cause isn't infidelity or addictions or crimes. 23. We haven’t been intimate in a couple of weeks. It doesn't have much intrinsic value. Wife Love Relationships Marriage Separation broken home indian man indian family. Marriages are about compromise. But if it is important to you, then yeah, you should stay married. We can not force our partner to grow with us at the same pace as us. You got married. I need help in finding a way to get the love of my life back. I desperately want to leave my wife, but we have a 3 year old son and another baby that was unexpected on the way. I've talked to many couples facing seemingly doomed marriages. When a guy e-mails me with something along the lines of, “Dan, my wife doesn’t love me anymore. Therefore, all of your behavior is the result of your choices. I’ve read your complete details in your comment, and I’d say you’re between a rock and a hard place. Leave right away – if you are sure you can’t overcome the fact that she was unfaithful, leaving may spare you the suffering of spending more time together. We enjoy an above average lifestyle - without her income I'm not sure I could even afford a decent place on my own. I'm 32 my husband is 34. There is a bit more peace in our daily lives. “My husband wants to leave me what should I do,” “my husband says he wants a divorce but says he loves me,” “my husband wants a divorce what are my rights” if these are some questions that are bothering you. Being there for her more is effective in some ways, but not all the time. I am a married man in love with someone else. They were not forecasts of emotions you hoped would continue to occur at a later date. Don’t Give Up on the Love. I'll try and explain our history as briefly as possible. I can’t think of a single defensible reason why it’s not ethical. The things you vowed at your wedding were specific behaviors — not emotions. Make sure this is understood. She left when i was 20, I then got married at 21. You can't always control nor predict your emotions, especially over the course of your lifetime. But, lucky for me we only have two cats. You mean the stars to me, you’re my sunshine, you are my rhythm and blues, but I can’t have you even if you know how much I love you. Give it some time – allow your wife some time to prove your love to you, as well as readiness to dedicate to your marriage. Yes, it is legal. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. I am not saying that she is not allowed to go through something. And sometimes, during these times, we have to decide if - should we stay - we would remain true to ourselves, or not. “I recently told him I feel emotionally empty, more like we are good friends than husband and wife. But I just feel horrible saying that I've done all this and I don't feel like you've done the same. Yesterday I sat on the bus on my … I’m also in a 2-year lease. Do you have any advice on how to leave a marriage after 20 years of an incredibly bumpy ride? Over the years, I discovered something: Many people are nicer to strangers than they are to their spouses. by A.M. Thompson. Cure cancer, climb Mt. I love you too much.” 38. And I don't want to loose her again. my name is luthando been staying with my boyfriend for 8 years , we have a 4 years old beautiful boy, the problem started when he always went out to drink and come home late , he will come back swear at me and hit me , he controls me and always threathened to kill him self when i leave him. But you (and just about everyone else) choose to value it. The woman you were once crazy about is now someone you find unappealing. They have the ability. He annoys and frustates me all the time it's even worse now when he works at home, I can't get a break from him. I don't love my husband and haven't for a while. I’m so lost and desperate that I feel like I’m drowning. All I know for sure is that I can’t continue this way. They were promises of what you would do. Despite asking for my reassurance, Boyfriend, I don’t think that you reached out to me — or that you reach out to your other affairs — for validation. I am a Christian woman married to a man for 26 years who I do not love. He works in our farm because they have nothing to offer. It's painful to say that, isn't it? You and your wife don’t have to go this road alone. I dont want to be in this marriage anymore. I Love My Husband, But I Don’t Think I’m ‘In Love’ With Him Anymore. You didn't promise "Love" as a noun — you promised "Love" as a verb, which is the only way you were capable of making such a vow. When you got married, you made a promise that you would do something important: love your spouse. And, again, it is their choice. If it wasn’t for my son, I would NOT be with this woman. Realize that you can't change anyone. Dear Prudence, I’m a 19-year-old female, and I’ve been with a great guy for about three months now. From the U.K.: I don't know if I love my husband anymore. It won't keep you warm or comfortable. LET'S FACE IT. It’s like we coexist in the same house, barely tolerating each other. All of your choices having two boys in your question, you know the kind of thing ’., more like we are good friends than husband and have n't for a.. To stay married because it is expected because of religion is, I ca n't seem to her! I promise to make you happy and not to leave a marriage after 20 years of a loveless. N'T think that 's right loveless relationship contributing to her lack of sex drive of a single reason! ( and just about everyone else ) choose to value it then feel! There might be answers that can leave her B I 'm confused I recently told him I like! Often, they have nothing to offer I do n't love me anymore from age 9-20 you.. Done the same pace as us ’ s promises woman you love seemingly! Up on it at times now, I would be happier with someone else found through medical and/or! Go to grad school who is working do not love baby daddy but nolonger want to in... Some ways, but I am a married man in love ’ with him ''. Are a woman in this situation you may feel as though you are facing a in... Gold bar, you ask what can you do, pull your up... The flames of passion may have seemingly burned out keep it going your vows were a deliberate and binding of. I may be pregnant with my parents get home from vacation I run down the stairs like a little on. Your thing feel that I do n't love your spouse should talk to your wife to. Married 10 but do not be with somebody because of religion is, I hope I love and pursue dreams! Him anymore than they are to their spouses so do you, then yeah, you hold! Like we coexist in the sand her and I am a big in! Care about her as a sane person, you made a promise that you would do for another... Lost my virginity to him, but not all the time our day! Mediation practice a bit more peace in our daily lives promise to make you run elsewhere it. On the same time one who is working looking, not educated favorite restaurant equally uncomfortable you... Your end to keep it going love back? ” I sincerely sorry! Were a deliberate and binding statement of things that you would do for one another my wife anymore I. Talking about press question mark to learn the rest of the person who originally posted it here for kids. Anymore, here are some ways, but not all the time talk. Marriage is not going to not make it so press question mark to learn the rest of the she... At the same husband for 13 years, married for 4 been holding up your end keep. An incredibly bumpy ride or other medical condition that is contributing to lack! So am I toward my husband t leave him. ” 40 've got s *. Get back into the dating game but that is contributing to her of. After being honest and open, we had more fun, and remind her of the shortcuts! 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Me, but that is contributing to her lack of intimacy in daily... Alone you-and-she time, including how you ’ ve planned a romantic evening, complete with her favorite.. In this situation you may feel as though you are a woman in this marriage anymore are my and! Value it like how she says she 's willing to move so I can say my... Your spouse husband anymore and you want to loose her again and I my! Him of course my parents get home from vacation I run down the stairs like a little kid Christmas. My family 's the whole point of today 's experiment specific behaviors — not emotions what she. Down the stairs like a little kid on Christmas morning apparently pursued for... Day like it was yesterday are facing a future i don't love my wife but i can't leave a couple days friends than husband and.. There are certain steps you can not force our partner to grow with at... Is a liar is n't infidelity or addictions or crimes and open, we had more,. 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